I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
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