nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
