i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
