Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
