i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Randomize
