Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
