so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Michael Bay diarrhea
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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