I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
This is my gift to your gina
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
