but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You dont lie about slip and slides
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
