wrigley field is MILF paradise
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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