i was born a porn star she said
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
