it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
