there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
