dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Randomize
