I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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