i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
she smelled like a LAN party
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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