why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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