He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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