you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I am full of burrito and curiosity
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
