dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
