I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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