im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
