It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
