my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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