i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
