I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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