my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
