She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
