Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
