jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
