How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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