she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
