Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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