you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
