People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I will pee on everything he values.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
