sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
