im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
no, he came in my armpit
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
nutella sex= disaster
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
