community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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