3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
you never un-have a 4some
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
