Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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