apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
