one might say we're banned from that church
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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