What did we do last night that was yellow?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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