It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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