the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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