Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
