Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
