i love accidental penises.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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