I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
