just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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