she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
