I just made out with a guy for $7.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
