my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I wish you could order shots online.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
The air was thick with penises
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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