What a fucking waste of an outfit
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
