But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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