Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
