I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Randomize
