one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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