Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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