My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize