oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
