Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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