I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
