Plan B is the new Plan A
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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