I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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