I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
