What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
