I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
