If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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