Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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